Ah, the cricket world cup matches, bring back so many memories. ..The keyed up crowds, the bowler posturing the umpire with a “Howzzaat” , the swell of the noise when the home team hit a 4 or 6 or gets a wicket …and the sound of despair when the home team drops a catch. The best part was the body language between players especially if India played Pakistan.
I remember my brother playing cricket with his friends and if I ever tried to pick up the bat to hit a ball or tried bowling, he would be in splits, saying, ”This is not for girls..” and I would be left being the audience. When I would pout hard, he assumed the role of coach and would show me how to hold the bat (which I think is basic common sense) and how to bowl the ball…..(Now that’s a no brainer …) I tried being a fast bowler, then decided maybe I should stick with underarm bowling. My brother kept telling me that I bowled flat and he would tell his cronies, “Yeh, Chappati ball phekti hai, kya yaar”. So one of his best friends Manish would say,”Jaane de, Jaane de, do aur ball baaki hai na, bas chod de”.
Speaking of cronies, he had quite a few of them. I would be so mad at them because they assumed the girls to be no-good goofs when it came to cricket. Navin, Manish, Babu and two Suresh’s..I have to pause here ….if you remember one of the popular kid cartoons in those days was Fireball XL5 and it had a character called Zooney. You could’nt miss Zooney especially, because of his big floppy ears, big round tummy and flat feet. So the Suresh’s were named- Zoon1 and Zoon 2.
I am shifting gears here….you know as well as I do that the years can really change people!
Now after all these years, everyone including the Zoons are all grown up, married and working in multinational companies. I happened to meet one of them by chance (Navin) in one of my trips to Mumbai 4 years ago.
Navin said,”You are based abroad, right? I am going to the USofA next month.” I asked him which location in the US and duration of stay. When he started speaking to me in a forced western accent, I found it amusing.
People go abroad because of the money and some want to go abroad because they like the idea of being called an NRI.
Navin(the soon to be NRI) and his mom cornered me, and asked me questions about life in the US - chai-paani, dal-roti, sabzi, achar, papad, kapda, makaan, gaadi, hawaai jahaj, aam aadmi …. Then there were questions on the Green Card, Visa, and Citizenship and so the list goes on… His mom discreetly took me aside and asked me about girls for marriage. Wow! Quite a long-term thinker.
Four years later, I met Navin in Mumbai. ..and what a transformation! Quite the firang, I must say!
I have lived out of the country for the last 16 years, but the “Indian” in me is alive, it’s in my heart. I never miss a chance to live up to my Indian values, culture and heritage.
As I started talking to Navin beta, I realized he left India with English in a Hindi accent, and now he spoke Hindi with a New Yorker accent. I tried to speak to him in Hindi, but he responded in English.
Navin beta did come back with some phobias, itisis and itches -
1) Spiceophobia
I remember him and my brother with all their cronies hanging out at Dinesh’s Bhel Puri & Pani Puri stall, pretty much the regular hangout for the cricket team. Dinesh made his entire livelihood doling out pani puris to these taporis.
Firangi Navin beta said,“I cannot take this spicy Indian food anymore. Don’t give me Chaat..,it is very spicy”,- He waved at his tongue and blew his nose at the sight of chaat masala. Flashback: The same Navin beta, used to have a frequent food pass at Dinesh’s stall….
2) Bragotitis
He bragged about New York, California, & Chicago …. He compared everthing to things abroad. “In California they drive convertibles. [Completely forgetting that I resided in the US as well, he says …] Convertibles, do you know what a convertible is? Maybe Sachin has it. When I landed in Mumbai airport, I didn’t know if I will fit into the Yellow taxi you know, it is so small…. I drive a BMW, all my friends have Luxury cars ….”
As we were talking, I noticed right next to us was MindSpace, Malad and there were quite a few Mercedes-Benz, BMWs, Chevys, Audis in the parking lot… Also, opposite to Mindspace was a huge MB Showroom ….
All I did was nod and pity the clueless guy …
3) Dirtophobia
I remember, Navin beta used to spend his summer vacation doing nothing but cricket. He pretty much sun bathed as many hours as the daylight could give him.
The firangi Navin beta could not stand the Bombay climate- He needed Ray Bans, sunscreen, and other complimentary products to even cross the road and visit the next home.
“There is so much dust and dirt here ..I cannot breathe ….I will get asthma…” This same Navin beta used to bathe in “Baarish ki Paani, especially during Govindashtami Haandi Phode and sing Govinda Aala Re”
He then asked, “How do people survive here?”
I smiled at him and thought “You seriously need a Flashback firangi.”
Only if I could use a Captain Kirk Style command – “Scotty, beam this creature down to earth (pun intended)”.
4) SupaBrandacea-
Navin beta looked at my watch and said,’Is that a TAG HEUER?” I said, “No, it is a Titan Raga.” “What!!! You have lived in the US for so long and you are wearing a TITAN!!!! Whats wrong with you?”. He asked me if I like PRADA or LUIS VITTON. (for those who know the brand Louis Vuitton...)
I said, “I own a GUESS and MICHEAL KORS & plan to go shopping at Fashion Street.” He was aghast. “Why Fashion Street? You will never change.”
I couldn’t help smiling at the remark, Change..he sets quite the example doesn’t he?
5) ClickIt Itches
Navin was carrying a huge camcorder, (someone could mistake him for a News reporter) and was busy taking pictures .. I said, “Navin, seems like you have found a new hobby.” He replied,”I have to take photos to show my office colleagues; they have asked me about India.” He went to the old Dinesh Food Stall, now Dinesh Lunch Home and started clicking,” The people inside looked at him and said,”Aree, wo apna Navin Bhai hai na?.”
As soon as they came out to greet him, Dirtophobia kicked in and Navin vanished. “Kahan Gaya Bhai? Aree Pakka firang banke aa gaya”.
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