I bet everyone may have imagined themselves to be a patty at some point in time….yes, patty as in a sandwich patty, or being in the wrong place at a wrong time or between a rock and a hard place, painted to a corner etc etc……. Or simply in India as everyone would call it “Bali ka Bakra” …
Usually when I travel, I try to be well prepared with arrivals, departures, keep checklists, mental notes, reminders and I am pretty comfortable with long distance travel.
Every journey begins on a positive note & healthy attitude. The last few months of travel have been extraordinary with over-the-top experiences. Make sure you are seated and belted, keep your trays up and locked, and if needed air masks will be provided if air pressure is low after splitting sides …. (NOTE: barf bags are not provided).
I was taking an early flight to San Diego and when I realized that my seat was not assigned I got to the airport pretty early, 2 hours before departure. Got an aisle seat and all was well. I was ready to relax for a 6 hour flight and catch some shut eye. It was announced over and over again that we had a full flight and people were being requested to give up their seats if the trip was not urgent. I had no choice but to travel for a meeting later in the day.
Once I boarded the flight, I eased into my seat and was ready for my short siesta. I thanked my lucky stars for the aisle seat, there was a big guy at the window and a little girl and I shared the 2 seats next to him. A little later a frantic mom comes up to me and fervently requests me to switch seats with her so that she can sit next to her daughter. The mom in me was overcome with compassion! Without asking where was the seat to swap, I readily agreed. 2 seconds later I found that the swap seat was the middle seat in the row behind me. The entire row was clean! No one was there. I switched and was already dozing off. The attendant was checking empty seats and I pretty much had the entire row to myself.
The announcement came that they were about to leave the gate, I checked and I still had the 3-seater row! Cool! What luck! Sixth sense told me that something was not right…Hmm
As the door was about to close, my eyes glanced at 2, 7ft 300lb bikers, walk down the aisle and were checking seat numbers. Me, who had pretty much dozed off …….well, now my eyes were wide open and there was hope and prayer that they may have got on the wrong flight.
They come right next to me and give me the grin and the look, “OK, patty, Tiny here has the window and Ham here has the Aisle! Any questions?” I meekly get up from my lap of luxury and Tiny settles into the window seat, with me next to him, and Ham squishes into the aisle seat! I could not find my seat belt…. Anyways why did I need one? With Tiny and Ham next to me …. I didn’t need belts, shock absorbers or floatation devices!
Thus the journey in the steel tube began!
We had not yet reached the runway and I realized that my oxygen supply was getting low. I quickly turned up the air in the air vent hoping it will help. I also noted that I had to sit sideways to give each other enough room…..!
As we reached cruising speeds, I had no external view to my left or right, other than a Dragon tattoo and a biker’s graffiti tattoo on well trained muscular biceps. Tiny and Ham were fast asleep, that’s when I realized other advantages to having my 2 body guards around. I did not need a neck pillow, effortlessly my neck position rested between Tiny and Ham. My effort to inhale oxygen was automatically causing my respiratory system to do the “Pranayam” or Yogic breathing.
For those who are unfamiliar with "Pranayam" -
Pranayama (breath control) is the breathing technique of yoga that works wonders in increasing physical and psychological performance.
Pranayam stimulates the inner power and energy of a person and makes him light, fitter, healthy, balanced and active.
With blinded view to my left and right, I had to try and reach the air vent every few minutes….I bet thats when my belief in Yoga took roots….. Considering that my mother has been trying to instill belief about “Pranayam” in me for the past 5 years!
The row of seats in front of me had no way of moving backwards to a sleeping position; the sheer size and strength of the passengers in my row simply did not allow it!
When the mom with whom I had swapped seats realized my plight, she apologized profusely.
The people who passed by my row to go to the rear of the plane gave me the “You poor thing” look!
I was not sure what was more pathetic, the look of despair in their faces or my cushioned seating with automatic Yogic breathing! I had a smile on my face not knowing how to react to the situation!
Time seemed endless, I was glad they didn’t serve meals on the flight. I did not even attempt to put on my seat belt upon landing, didn’t need one.
After a 6 hour, out-of-this-world journey, we landed in San Diego. Ham and Tiny were well relaxed, seemed nonchalant and got off the plane.
As for me, I am still recovering from my yogic pose after being stuck in a steel tube for 6 hours in the same stance!
Disclaimer: The article is all humor and satire with no offense to anyone.
Usually when I travel, I try to be well prepared with arrivals, departures, keep checklists, mental notes, reminders and I am pretty comfortable with long distance travel.
Every journey begins on a positive note & healthy attitude. The last few months of travel have been extraordinary with over-the-top experiences. Make sure you are seated and belted, keep your trays up and locked, and if needed air masks will be provided if air pressure is low after splitting sides …. (NOTE: barf bags are not provided).
I was taking an early flight to San Diego and when I realized that my seat was not assigned I got to the airport pretty early, 2 hours before departure. Got an aisle seat and all was well. I was ready to relax for a 6 hour flight and catch some shut eye. It was announced over and over again that we had a full flight and people were being requested to give up their seats if the trip was not urgent. I had no choice but to travel for a meeting later in the day.
Once I boarded the flight, I eased into my seat and was ready for my short siesta. I thanked my lucky stars for the aisle seat, there was a big guy at the window and a little girl and I shared the 2 seats next to him. A little later a frantic mom comes up to me and fervently requests me to switch seats with her so that she can sit next to her daughter. The mom in me was overcome with compassion! Without asking where was the seat to swap, I readily agreed. 2 seconds later I found that the swap seat was the middle seat in the row behind me. The entire row was clean! No one was there. I switched and was already dozing off. The attendant was checking empty seats and I pretty much had the entire row to myself.
The announcement came that they were about to leave the gate, I checked and I still had the 3-seater row! Cool! What luck! Sixth sense told me that something was not right…Hmm
As the door was about to close, my eyes glanced at 2, 7ft 300lb bikers, walk down the aisle and were checking seat numbers. Me, who had pretty much dozed off …….well, now my eyes were wide open and there was hope and prayer that they may have got on the wrong flight.
They come right next to me and give me the grin and the look, “OK, patty, Tiny here has the window and Ham here has the Aisle! Any questions?” I meekly get up from my lap of luxury and Tiny settles into the window seat, with me next to him, and Ham squishes into the aisle seat! I could not find my seat belt…. Anyways why did I need one? With Tiny and Ham next to me …. I didn’t need belts, shock absorbers or floatation devices!
Thus the journey in the steel tube began!
We had not yet reached the runway and I realized that my oxygen supply was getting low. I quickly turned up the air in the air vent hoping it will help. I also noted that I had to sit sideways to give each other enough room…..!
As we reached cruising speeds, I had no external view to my left or right, other than a Dragon tattoo and a biker’s graffiti tattoo on well trained muscular biceps. Tiny and Ham were fast asleep, that’s when I realized other advantages to having my 2 body guards around. I did not need a neck pillow, effortlessly my neck position rested between Tiny and Ham. My effort to inhale oxygen was automatically causing my respiratory system to do the “Pranayam” or Yogic breathing.
For those who are unfamiliar with "Pranayam" -
Pranayama (breath control) is the breathing technique of yoga that works wonders in increasing physical and psychological performance.
Pranayam stimulates the inner power and energy of a person and makes him light, fitter, healthy, balanced and active.
With blinded view to my left and right, I had to try and reach the air vent every few minutes….I bet thats when my belief in Yoga took roots….. Considering that my mother has been trying to instill belief about “Pranayam” in me for the past 5 years!
The row of seats in front of me had no way of moving backwards to a sleeping position; the sheer size and strength of the passengers in my row simply did not allow it!
When the mom with whom I had swapped seats realized my plight, she apologized profusely.
The people who passed by my row to go to the rear of the plane gave me the “You poor thing” look!
I was not sure what was more pathetic, the look of despair in their faces or my cushioned seating with automatic Yogic breathing! I had a smile on my face not knowing how to react to the situation!
Time seemed endless, I was glad they didn’t serve meals on the flight. I did not even attempt to put on my seat belt upon landing, didn’t need one.
After a 6 hour, out-of-this-world journey, we landed in San Diego. Ham and Tiny were well relaxed, seemed nonchalant and got off the plane.
As for me, I am still recovering from my yogic pose after being stuck in a steel tube for 6 hours in the same stance!
Disclaimer: The article is all humor and satire with no offense to anyone.
But otherwise I think your blog is awesome mommy. :)
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