All Aboard....Part I

“Local to Trenton, all aboard”, came the announcement.  Weary passengers boarded the train as it stood on Platform 11 at NY Penn Station. When travelling in and around the tri-state area  (New York, New Jersey, Connecticut), you will notice that there is a lot of diversity on the trains.

Train journeys usually consist of reading time for me, unless there is entertaining company on board.

I was on the local, coming from NY City to Princeton. 

Opposite to my seat was a middle aged guy, who was talking loudly on his phone in Hindi. Now as you know, when we pass through the underwater rail tunnel, normally everyone loses phone connectivity. And it didn’t matter if we had 3G, 4G, or Sprint, AT&T or Verizon.

            But in this case… underwater didn’t seem to affect this guy, and he was talking as loudly as possible for the entire car to hear.  Either others were invisible to him or he felt he was soundproof....  

At that point I named him “Loudmouth”. His non-stop chatter continued, and when we got to Newark (2 stations later), Loudmouth’s phone began to ring. I think that was his time of revelation, that there was no one at the other end of the line and he was babbling away to nothing.

Loudmouth gave everyone a hangdog grin and much to the vexation of the other passengers, took the incoming call.

As I looked around, there was a group of 6 who had occupied the seats in front of me. There was Grandpa, Grandma, Dad and 3 teens.

This group from 3 different generations was engaged in frivolous conversation. The teenagers were playing on iPhones or iPads and all had headphones.

Grandpa-(baby boomer) adjusting his glasses: “You whippersnappers need to enjoy the train ride and turn off those thinga-ma-hooeys.”

Kid1: (Nods and grunts)

Kid2: Grandpa, This is an iPad.  You can listen to music, surf the web, and do lots of other stuff.

Grandpa:  Music? Why, in my day, we’d all get together ‘round the radio and—

Grandma: Now, don't get started with your stories dear, we have to get off the train you know.

Kid2: Grandpa, here is the iPad; you can turn pages just like a book (shows swipe on the iPad).  Look, it’s Moby Dick, your favorite!

Grandpa: Why ain’t that the darnest thing… (Reads the page and then licks his finger and swipes the iPad, just like the old timers turned pages in a book)  What in the world? The page ain’t turnin’ son!  Young whippersnappers and them fancy gadgets…

Grandma: Dear,  what’s that?

Grandpa:  Looks like something called facebook.

Grandma: What in the Dickens’ is Facebook?

Grandpa: It’s a picture album, can’t ya see?

Kid3: No, no grandpa, it’s—

Grandma: Pictures? How do them pictures get inside there?

Dad: It’s a long process. (Turns to blackberry and sighs heavily)

Kid3: Its 2 clicks, take a picture and post it to a Wall.

Grandma: Wall?

Kid3: There is chat, you can also Poke or you can use the wall.

Grandpa: Walls don't talk.

Kid3: We share messages on Walls.

Grandpa: You mean graffiti. 

Kid3: No post

Grandpa: You need a mailbox, and a zip to get a post, son.

Kid3: That's email

Grandpa: A memo?

Kid3: What's a memo? We don’t call it memo… It’s a Poke or a Wall message …

While Grandpa and Grandma were busy figuring out the “Wall”, I turned my attention to the other side where, I saw a family of 4, mom-dad and twin boys about 4-5 years old.

They had acquainted themselves with a couple of nurses and the mom was talking to them about the twins. The boys just couldn’t sit themselves on the seats. It was as if the seats and their little bottoms were poles which repelled at the slightest touch.

Soon after, they decided to stand on the seats and wave at the other passengers. Next it was time to play Superheroes. And their magic “weapons”- A 12” plastic boomerang and 20” light sabers.

Until then, there was a hum and buzz at the back with people talking, which suddenly stopped at the sign of the Boomerang & Sabers. I could almost in an instant feel the verbal vacuum, and the general ambiance silenced to thinking, ”If these two are released into action, who will be the 1^st target?”

Now it was mom and dad’s turn to negotiate with the boys on which “weapons” they could have. The tables turned at that point – The boys wanted mom and dad to have the Boomerangs and they would keep the Sabers.

The negotiations continued …..the boys asked for - a Spiderman toy, a baseball, SNICKERS Bar, ice-cream sundae, sundae fudge with cherry on top, Roller-Coaster Car Racing Game, Batman Costume for Halloween, Lunch at Burger King, BK crown, visit to a Dinosaur museum…

Wow…. cute & creative! Cuteness counts, more marks for tenacity and leadership. ..

That got me thinking ….When I start my own company, I need those boys on the board…..Excellent tactic going for the big items all in exchange for the Saber! Or maybe I should carry my own Saber; that may take care of quite a few annoyances.

At that time a mom, a little girl and a bawling baby boarded the car. …. They found a seat right behind Loudmouth. Good thing - The bawling drowned out Loudmouths chatter and he moved to another car, Bad thing – we now had a bawling baby.

“Next Stop Princeton Junction,” came the announcement. Grandpa, Grandma and the twins were getting off too.

Time flies when you have such an interesting company ….  I didn’t even realize that I was on board the train for about 90 minutes…!  As we disembark, I am amused by the twins’ ongoing negotiations …, I bet it continued long after….

This train ride had got me all nostalgic about train travels in Bombay. ..I was reminded of one particular episode of my travel to Churchgate on a Goregaon local... (to be continued in Part II)

A good Samaritan

 

I bet everyone may have imagined themselves to be a patty at some point in time….yes, patty as in a sandwich patty, or being in the wrong place at a wrong time or between a rock and a hard place, painted to a corner etc etc……. Or simply in India as everyone would call it “Bali ka Bakra” …

Usually when I travel, I try to be well prepared with arrivals, departures, keep checklists, mental notes, reminders and I am pretty comfortable with long distance travel.
Every journey begins on a positive note & healthy attitude. The last few months of travel have been extraordinary with over-the-top experiences.  Make sure you are seated and belted, keep your trays up and locked, and if needed air masks will be provided if air pressure is low after splitting sides …. (NOTE: barf bags are not provided).

I was taking an early flight to San Diego and when I realized that my seat was not assigned I got to the airport pretty early, 2 hours before departure. Got an aisle seat and all was well. I was ready to relax for a 6 hour flight and catch some shut eye. It was announced over and over again that we had a full flight and people were being requested to give up their seats if the trip was not urgent. I had no choice but to travel for a meeting later in the day.

Once I boarded the flight, I eased into my seat and was ready for my short siesta. I thanked my lucky stars for the aisle seat, there was a big guy at the window and a little girl and I shared the 2 seats next to him. A little later a frantic mom comes up to me and fervently requests me to switch seats with her so that she can sit next to her daughter. The mom in me was overcome with compassion! Without asking where was the seat to swap, I readily agreed. 2 seconds later I found that the swap seat was the middle seat in the row behind me. The entire row was clean! No one was there. I switched and was already dozing off. The attendant was checking empty seats and I pretty much had the entire row to myself.

The announcement came that they were about to leave the gate, I checked and I still had the 3-seater row! Cool! What luck! Sixth sense told me that something was not right…Hmm

As the door was about to close, my eyes glanced at 2, 7ft 300lb bikers, walk down the aisle and were checking seat numbers. Me, who had pretty much dozed off …….well, now my eyes were wide open and there was hope and prayer that they may have got on the wrong flight.

They come right next to me and give me the grin and the look, “OK, patty, Tiny here has the window and Ham here has the Aisle! Any questions?”  I meekly get up from my lap of luxury and Tiny settles into the window seat, with me next to him, and Ham squishes into the aisle seat! I could not find my seat belt…. Anyways why did I need one?  With Tiny and Ham next to me …. I didn’t need belts, shock absorbers or floatation devices!

 

Thus the journey in the steel tube began!

We had not yet reached the runway and I realized that my oxygen supply was getting low. I quickly turned up the air in the air vent hoping it will help. I also noted that I had to sit sideways to give each other enough room…..!

As we reached cruising speeds, I had no external view to my left or right, other than a Dragon tattoo and a biker’s graffiti tattoo on well trained muscular biceps.  Tiny and Ham were fast asleep, that’s when I realized other advantages to having my 2 body guards around. I did not need a neck pillow, effortlessly my neck position rested between Tiny and Ham. My effort to inhale oxygen was automatically causing my respiratory system to do the “Pranayam” or Yogic breathing.

For those who are unfamiliar with "Pranayam" -
Pranayama (breath control) is the breathing technique of yoga that works wonders in increasing physical and psychological performance.
Pranayam stimulates the inner power and energy of a person and makes him light, fitter, healthy, balanced and active.

With blinded view to my left and right, I had to try and reach the air vent every few minutes….I bet thats when my belief in Yoga took roots….. Considering that my mother has been trying to instill belief about “Pranayam” in me for the past 5 years!

 The row of seats in front of me had no way of moving backwards to a sleeping position; the sheer size and strength of the passengers in my row simply did not allow it!
 When the mom with whom I had swapped seats realized my plight, she apologized profusely.

The people who passed by my row to go to the rear of the plane gave me the “You poor thing” look!

 I was not sure what was more pathetic, the look of despair in their faces or my cushioned seating with automatic Yogic breathing! I had a smile on my face not knowing how to react to the situation!

 Time seemed endless, I was glad they didn’t serve meals on the flight. I did not even attempt to put on my seat belt upon landing, didn’t need one.

After a 6 hour, out-of-this-world journey, we landed in San Diego. Ham and Tiny were well relaxed, seemed nonchalant and got off the plane. 

 As for me, I am still recovering from my yogic pose after being stuck in a steel tube for 6 hours in the same stance!

Disclaimer: The article is all humor and satire with no offense to anyone.

Case of the Mistaken Identity

I am sure at some point in time; many of you may have had to wait in line to complete certain activities ….Ahem! Activities as in picking up fast food, buying tickets to a movie, visit to a car show, a Broadway show, going to the opera, or even going to the bathroom….
These are plain and simple activities that seem to have no essence of confusion.

Well, not always….

We had a few families get together in NY City where we left the dads to take care of the kids and the moms decided to have their own city tour. 5 of us hailed a cab (much to the amazement of the cabbie we fit in) and drove to 5th and 42nd, and Park Ave, Ah! Shoppers Paradise. Store after store, in and out with more and more bags, at that point all of us moms wished that we had more appendages to carry our purchases.

Now it was time for a pit stop. We saw an Indian fast food restaurant and thought we could pile in there for a quick pit stop. For a second I will let your imaginations run wild, …….perplexed store owner, dumbstruck customers, some meek ones thrown against the wall, ….. 5 women with huge bags, multiple bags, talking loudly, with bags hanging all over walking into this small fast food restaurant … It seemed like a rhino stampede until we all found a corner table to put our booty down before the dust settled.

The next step was to find a bathroom. There was one right next to us – with a handicap/woman/child sign. There also was a sign in scribbled letters placed above the door which was illegible. Sheila raced into the bathroom, followed by Dimple, and the others had to wait, since it only allowed 2 at a time. As the rest of us waited patiently, 2 men came to the bathroom and opened the door to see Sheila at the wash basin. They gave each other the look and waited outside. Sheila and Dimple took their time chatting and reminiscing the shopping spree….

The men opened the door again. I was annoyed. At this point I named them Fresh & Loco. I asked why they were waiting outside the women’s bathroom. They argued that this was the men’s bathroom and the women’s bathroom was on the other side. At that point Grace lost it! She pointed to the sign and said that this was the women’s bathroom. The men pointed to the scribbling above the door (that no one could read) and said that the scribbling indicated that this was the men’s bathroom.

In the commotion scene, we had two women who were waiting to use the bathroom, and two men who seemed to make no logical sense. I almost thought that we were going to have a fist fight. Sheila and Dimple came out and found us arguing with Fresh and Loco! As Fresh tried to enter the door, Sheila blocked his entry and held the door for Grace. Loco started shaking his head and threatened to take the case to the Manager.

With Grace and me inside the bathroom the men could not come in. Well, you may think courtesy…. But no… Sheila was holding fort and Dimple was the spotter! Laxmi was in line next!

As we came out, Sheila was in the Yokozuna stance! For those unfamiliar with Sumo wrestling, Yokozuna refers to the highest rank in professional sumo wrestling in Japan. The "Yokozuna" character was always portrayed as a champion sumo wrestler. Sheila could have jumped them to pulp! Grace joined her.
Laxmi went into the bathroom. Loco and Fresh continued their vehement denial that this wasn’t the womens bathroom! The customers or the management didn’t want to intervene at any cost, lest they lost a limb.

I could not believe that Loco and Fresh argued over a paper sign with a scribbling that was illegible. For all that argument, I could have just tore the sign and thrown it away. That would’ve ended the insane argument.

I was not in a mood for violence after a tremendous day of shopping…. I just had to enjoy the finer pleasures, than deal with 2 eccentrics!

Finally with all the girls satisfied with their bathroom break, we decided to leave. Sheila released her position as Chief Sentinel. Fresh and Loco muttered their way into the same bathroom. Unbelievable! What has it come to these days??!?

As Sheila was hailing a cab, I strolled to the other side of the restaurant where the men had pointed us to, for the women’s bathroom.

And …. what I found … ??  A bathroom for women, with a clear women’s sign outside and with all amenities!